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Bleary-eyed and fatigued almost to the state of nausea, I stay up late nights that last week of May, opening ticket after ticket looking for that elusive 8Z07G to win a million dollars or the 8Y14F for the million-dollar vacation home.
But no. After ritualistically ripping my way through a pile of 80 tickets, I am no closer to winning a million dollars than I am to claiming a $5 grocery card.
At night, I dream of Wheat Thins and Dannon Yogurt, the two tickets I need to win either a $10,000 4-Wheeler or a $300 Smart Watch. The logos of Safeway products dance through my head like visions of sugar-plums.
In the morning, unable to sleep, I wake and tear into another eighty Monopoly tickets an hour before the alarm goes off in hopes of finding the missing link to our future fortune - the $1,500 Hershey's Syrup Gas Grill and Grocery ticket, or the Planters Peanut $5,000 cash!
When we win the million dollars, my wife and I will throw our alarm clock away - which has been set to 6:00 am for the last 30 years - and buy one of those Bose headphones with surround sound white noise sleep enhancer. I hope that exists.
To be fair, all was not lost. The coupons included with the tickets, especially toward the end when the Safeway employees gave away a pile an inch high to any customer still willing to accept them, included, for me, a free pound of Iodized salt, five donuts, a can of Safeway Signature corn and a loaf of French bread. This was more than enough to atone for the sleepless nights, useless pile of torn up tickets, and coffee-fueled mornings, ceremonially unveiling sacred logos of Safeway products.
So yes, bring it on. When they play Monopoly again I'll be there in line buying as much as I can, waiting breathlessly while the Safeway checker circles the number of tickets earned, counts them out in front of me, and sends me home to sleepless nights searching for the 8M54B, my ticket for the $1,000 laptop.
Reach the reporter at:
Lamorinda Weekly, Moraga CA